Culture: poetry, prose, review

A Spell to Recover from Your Messy Breakup

by Skye


To follow through with this spell according to my recommendations would be to dedicate yourself to it for a long period of time. It will bring you through intense emotional states and messy crying, resulting, ultimately, in gained self-awareness. The more intensity with which you devote yourself to this spell, in fact, the more power to it, as mine depended on emotion for most of its energy.

Though some of those reading may only take elements but change it around, I feel that going through the entire process will be the most beneficial and healing. I highly suggest before the spell that you detox your emotions by letting them all out explicitly. I personally used journal entries, some of which will be included for your inspiration and pleasure. Whether it be by writing, singing, talking to yourself, or talking to a friend-- do whatever needed until you cry enough that you reach catharsis. 

(This spell was improvised completely, from start to finish, which brings me to an important detail: if you want to change anything-- or are only drawn to certain elements of this and have something else in mind-- definitely go with that. This is your goal, and you should useyour intuition to achieve it. I bolded the one thing that I find the most important. This is also why I write this in first person; this was a very personal spell and only what I did. You can follow along however you please.)

 
 

Materials used:

  • Something holding strong emotional energy from your relationship AND/OR something that holds a self-taught lie of your relationship, which is holding you back from moving on. (I used journal entries I made at peak waves of emotion. These were also entries where I tried to force myself to take all blame and forgive, despite my girlfriend being unapologetic at the time.)

  • String (If you have options, find string in the color you are drawn to the most.)

  • A marker or paint to mark a sigil

  • A pen or marker designated for spell writing

  • A fire-proof container

  • A lighter/match

  • Flowing water (from a sink faucet or the like) or water that came from a flowing source (i.e. spring water, Fiji Water)

  • Optional: Time, to bond and sync your energy to what you made before you burn it. I put it in a box where I keep any trimmed or fall out hair (I collect & bury my hair; I was raised not to throw it away because of Muslim superstitions). You could simply sleep with it under your pillow, or do something similar.

 

 

At the time I created this spell, I wasn't going to beg for forgiveness from my girlfriend. However, feeling she was unforgiving, I wanted to seal the deal and make sure I never let her in my heart again. We had a pretty toxic relationship where I cried probably every day because I just didn’t feel right, and I felt like it was my fault. Maybe a month or two after it all calmed down, I finally went through with the spell, which freed me to vent and calm down as well.

I felt like if I gave my all to give [love] out, I’d finally feel it. Like if I didn’t feel it with her, I was doing it wrong. Like I just had to have absolute faith in a person who gave me no reason to put my faith in them except what they told me, with no evidence and all evidence they did the opposite. I blamed myself because if it’s my fault, then I felt it’s in my power to fix it.
— Excerpt from journal entry

I gathered a few journal entries with my passionate venting (passionate to the point where words on the page were smeared by my tears). They included poems, songs, declarations of love, pleas for forgiveness; one page even had a picture I drew of my ex. I honestly already felt disgusted by them. I know that same self-blame was what caused me to think that the way I was treated was my fault, or that I needed to try harder to prove myself in order to be treated with care and kindness. That’s how this all started, I wanted to get rid of these things that only felt like lies now.

I ripped the pages from my sketchbook and folded them into fourths, then I wrapped it with red string taken from a bundle of sage. As I tied it, I said a sort of binding mantra. Unfortunately, I don’t remember what I said at that time; in essence, I expressed my intentions to hold the folded pages stable, my desires to bind myself from lying to myself or giving my energy to any remnants of this relationship in my heart.

After this, I wrote into each quadrant of the string on one side with some mini-journaling. I wrote about my worries and insecurities-- but rather than drowning in them, I tried to just address them with what I needed to keep in mind.

 

One quadrant I wrote: “Maybe I helped you grow, but that’s none of my business anymore. I wonder who you are now but not enough to find out.”

Write a number of things you need to tell yourself, things of letting go and release. My sense of worth is often based on how much I can help those around me, so I was obsessed after the breakup with feelings that I was cheated. There was this feeling of, “Look how much I did for you and you just threw me away!” so it was therapeutic to say something like “Yeah, I did a lot for you. But that’s the past, and that’s not my concern anymore because I can’t force you to make me feel like you can give me that energy back.” Find your persisting self-lie and attachment, and address it in the way that will help you.

I then found some red paint and decided to paint a sigil I found symbolizing moving on onto the front. You can use this one or easily find one you like online. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a sigil for moving on, either, it can be for whatever purpose you feel you need.

After this, I turned it over and free-styled a song that went along with the same concept. You can do this or come up with a poem if you like; words have a lot of power in magic. It doesn’t have to rhyme, in fact, those who work with elementals often don’t rhyme. If there’s something you feel more drawn to do, then do that. (Maybe it’s a little art piece, maybe something else).

 

 

 

I didn’t want my mom to smell something burning and then come in on me doing something like this, so I stored it in my magic drawer where I also keep a box with my hair in it until I was alone. (Readers might judge this but my mom always told me birds could take my hair for their nest and mess with my mental health, and then my Moroccan friend told me about how people can curse you with it. So y’all can keep throwing away your hair, but I’m going to keep doing this.) I feel this definitely contributed to the efficiency of this spell, as this would connect my goals to my own physical energy. You can do something like this by simply leaving it under your pillow.

After a while, when I was completely home alone, I went ahead and burned it. I put it inside a pot to contain the flame, and would continue lighting it until it was completely ash. I created a circle of salt, criscarilla, and gemstones around the pot. While this burned, I played songs that I felt reflected what I wanted now (the main one was “Somebody I Used to Know”). I definitely feel that you should make a playlist for burning. It adds fun as well as emotion if it’s a more sentimental song.

Almost over, now with only ash left, I didn’t feel it’d be right to just throw it away. I took running water from the sink and then cleared it out into my front yard until the water turned clear to return all this energy I put into this relationship.  This self hate, all this anger and sadness, was replaced into the Earth to be reused as something new. This felt like an incredibly peaceful rebirth, so afterwards, I grounded my own energy back towards the ground. (Simply stand with your feet a bit wider than shoulder length, squat a bit, tilt your hips forward, and breath deeply. You can look up grounding for a better explanation).

This spell worked practically immediately, and I definitely took notice. I was fine not talking to my ex-girlfriend, and when she’d text me I wouldn’t reply. Now and then, I think about maybe talking to her again just to be nice. When this happens, I never fail to have dreams that remind me to snap out of it. I don’t really feel any animosity towards her anymore. From a distance, even, I can still see what I first saw in her. However, I realize that it’s in my best interest to leave her in the past. I know I was very immature at the time, and I’ve definitely learned many lessons and grown much from this experience.

A closing detail for you all is that you must keep in mind what my goal was in making this. I needed to let go and move on, my concept of that entailing being able to face my demons and insecurities and learn from them (if I hadn’t already). I had already done this pretty thoroughly, but if you haven’t, moving on may involve releasing a flood of emotions you haven’t been dealing with in order to let them go.

The most important part for magic development is embracing these moments, encouraging self-discovery and self-love through them, taking every ‘negative’ and using it as an opportunity to learn and create. Even if you’re sobbing and crying in a dark corner of your room (been there), its purpose is to acknowledge in that moment that your feelings are a valid reaction, and offer a lesson to you. This is why I stress journaling BEFORE to get through this phase or at least start it off. This is not a spell to create a facade of ‘strength’ and immunity to all the terrible feelings that come with breakups. My facade of strength was exactly my issue that caused me to utterly destroy myself with lies. While my journal entries have a tone of strength and distance, in the moment I was crying and mothering myself like “it’s okay that you feel that. It’s okay that you feel this. Just don’t act out of line and hurt yourself, just realize the truth.” This is a spell of self-forgiveness, embracing one's own fragility, and ultimately one of self-love.

I wish you all luck and hope some of you try this out! Make sure to tell me how it goes!